Questions & Responses (answers)

I've chosen 'responses' rather than the traditional 'answers' because as we grow up we develop the notion there are specific answers to our questions - e.g. 2 + 2 = 4. It's a fixed answer.
In life I've found that many problems stem from a dogmatic black & white view - I'm right, you're wrong! A more lenient view comes with seeing life in shades of grey. A closer look will reveal it's the mind that wants to categorize, classify and pigeon hole everything but life is a continuum.
Responses come to mind following a question. It's not 'the' answer but 'an' answer. A different person asking the same question, or the same person asking it a different time will illicit quite a different, but no less accurate, response.

Q. You are a keen student of Advaita Vedanta, a philosophy that I have enjoyed for many years. I'm curious, when you say, "Notice the times in the day when there are no thoughts happening ...," when you become aware of that time, you are having the thought, "I'm having no thoughts." Therefore, aren't you thinking?
A. This is a crucial area here. Actually if you watch closely you can see that you can be aware of there being no thoughts - even without the thought 'I'm not thinking'. Yes you're right that if you think 'I'm not thinking' then you would be thinking, but I'm talking about the observation when there are no thoughts at all, just mental silence. Often a thought might pop in then. But if you become more familiar with this 'up close & personal' aspect of your life you'll notice that it's possible to be, without thought. If fact you are, with or without thought. Thoughts and memories come up later, but they are not you. When you get to watch the silence in-between thoughts you will notice that you still exist and then it's a matter of 'time' before it hits you that you are that awareness. Thoughts continue but from then on you don't exclusively identify with them. Then the seeking, suffering, questions & doubts stop, you have found what you've been looking for (which was never lost) and, as they say, you are home. Then there is the rock solid knowing what (not who) you really are.
Right now you are awareness, you are the Buddha mind, but you've become identified with appearances, thoughts, memories, feelings etc. This brings in anguish or suffering of some sort. You become a seeker to resolve this suffering.
Awareness itself, is seeking itself.
Q. What interested me much is where you have said (in your website) " you knew you were awareness but had not reached the point of no return". That seems to be the case here.
A. Yes, in my last weeks I would drive to work (through very quiet country roads and there were often no thoughts for long periods of time) and it was quite clear that I was totally present even without thoughts. Ramesh used the borrowed term 'intuitive apperception' - perception by no-one. I read and of course learned and formed a mental picture of what I thought was being pointed to, by Advaita, but also knew it was only intellectual. The last 'intuitive' leap, of 'no return', is out of our hands. It's like when we have a problem and just can't work it out and then suddenly while not even thinking about it the answer just pops up. No effort was needed, in fact often the effort is what's preventing it.
Q. (continuing) Many times there is a sort of ease about things, life is not as turbulent as it used to be but every time, there is the reading of stuff like "boundless peace, absolute freedom and strange beauty", deep down it is known that is how it must be but that is not clearly seen and then this wanting arises!
So, the next question that pops up is "so what next" and when will there be the point of no return?
A. These sorts of comments can be dangerous to the mind. The mind wants an experience - a bigger, better, faster & stronger experience than the last one. That's where drug addicts get lost - first they don't want the experience they have and try to avoid it with a drug - very nice but now there has to be more, and more drugs, and it's a slippery slope. Yes, life is easy when we understand it's not in our (the human) hands. All of this and - deep down it is known that is how it must be but that is not clearly seen and then this wanting arises! are arising thoughts in awareness.
Awareness is not an experience, awareness registers an experience and so the normal experience of humanness goes on, as before, and for the same reasons. Knowing this gives a peace though, a knowing that all is well. Ah! "So what next?" - classical mind stuff.
Q. Hi, Really like your site. I came across advaita about 2 years ago thro' Eckhart Tolle. Sought earlier on in life but not really aware what I was seeking. Life went on then realised few years ago my incessant thinking was actually responsible for a lot of unhappiness. Stumbled across Eckhart Tolle. Fascinated more by what he didn't say than what he did. Further research led me to advaita. Complete fascination. Lot of struggle with accepting it completely but stuck with it as intuitive sense it was the real McCoy. Now would say have quite a deep understanding - tho' everytime I think that I usually go on to receive deeper insights! You'll appreciate there is a lot of nonsense out there with not so much charlatans as those who are self-deluded. I've never been convinced by those who talk the talk - always ever so careful not to use the "I" word etc. who say (usually smugly) this is it. No more to be done or said. Don't look for an event- that's just the "I" coming back in. In other words they've never had "an event"! Was interested to see your history in this regard.On the one hand I don't want to wait for an "event" and by doing so potentially stop it happening. On the other I don't want to end up self-deluded thinking I don't need an event and am already It when in actual fact I'm not. Any guidance you can offer? And what's your view about self-enquiry - good or bad?

A. Good morning ?, Good to hear from you. Yes, those incessant thoughts, they drive us crazy, don't they?  I remember those times.  Ah! yes, as you say it is what's not said and not what is  - intuition is working well for you.  Sounds like things are progressing nicely.  You have developed a good understanding re talking without using 'I'.  It's a bit silly trying to talk without it.  All language is conceptual and so is not the 'thing'.  Words are just pointers.  It does present quite a challenge using language athough, of course, we have to.  If you understand that words are part of the mind and both appear in awareness then there's no problem.  Awareness wittnesses all. The 'event' is interesting - meaning is self realization an event or not.  I looked at this somewhere, maybe in my blog  http://devgrah.blogspot.com/   I found that the realization was simply that, a realization, but what's called enlightenment immediately follows and that is an event.  The thing is you are aware of these writings right now.  The eyes and nervous system processes them and a perception is formed.  It's awareness that notes them.  Without awareness nothing could be known.  So there's nothing to become - awareness is already working.  Behind all the identifications is awareness and you are that.  There really is nothing to become.  Waiting for some big experience only delays the understanding of what is already and always has been functioning.  Mind loves bigger, better, stronger and faster.  Everything that's happened in your life happened in awareness.  Yes the self inquiry is important.  The question 'Who am I', and watch the answers that the mind throws up - identifications.  The mind is an object in awareness and it thinks in terms of objects - it can't know the subject - you.  The original problem was when awareness became infatuated with objects, through the baby'e eyes, and became indentified with them, namely the 'me/human'.  At some point there was an intuition that something was wrong, but everyone we trusted convinced us all was well.  It's not a conspiracy, it's what had to happen; just like you and I had to start asking questions.  So don't expect an event just understand that awareness is behind everything.  As you would have noticed self realization is also sometimes referred to as 'the understanding'.  The understanding is important but the inquiry shows the mind at work close up.  For me, I did that while reading Ramesh and I watched the mind trying to work it all out and come up with one identification after another.  What was important for me was simply noticing that the real I (the I AM ) was wittnessing all this happening but it still was some time and while reading John Wheeler that it hit me. So down to the last line or two.  Yes you are it, you are awareness.  And ultimately only awareness is.  How would you know the words on this page without awareness?  You just have to come to that understanding and conviction.  You are not a human who is aware, you are awareness wittnessing everything through the human - everything is an appearance in you.  When this is seen it is the simplest and most elegant and uncomplicated understanding.  Our 'normal' understaning of the world is way too complicated.  Awareness is first and formost - nothing exists without awareness.  The delusion is thinking that you are the 'me' - that there is someone in there directing the human.  The human is programmed to function and don't need any more imput from a 'me'.  It would cause a conflict in the system, if the body/mind is programmed to do one thing but the asumed 'me' told him to do another.  The 'me' in the delusion - there is really only awareness with appearances in it.  Simple. I'm glad you could identify with 'my' history as I was criticized for that approach.  Some think it confuses to talk about history because there really isn't one.  It's nothing more than a dream.  I found Leo Hartong's book 'awakening to the dream' helpfull.  It is awakening 'to' the dream and not 'from' the dream. Hope this is of some help.